My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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