where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
