I have demons in me.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
