look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
