I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
