Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
