forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
