Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
