The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Randomize
