hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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