You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
