Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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