idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
