I have demons in me.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
