i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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