My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
