okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
