i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
