yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
