drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
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Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn