Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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