Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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