Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism