why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.