Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
