Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If I die, sorry about rent.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch