When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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