I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem