Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
