im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
thus making me awesome and them whores
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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