i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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