Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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