It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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