So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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