The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
