also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
