I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
