oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
