you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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