well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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