break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
