she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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