i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
