Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
