I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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