Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I lost the right to judge tonight
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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