I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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