she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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