I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
