Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
