I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
