Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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