Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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