We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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