I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
