I wish I could punch you in the face.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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