there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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