I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
