Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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