I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
