this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
