i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
my poor anus
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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