Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
