I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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