You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
