Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
