the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
