Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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