The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
