we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
