First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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