So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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