i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
