i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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