my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
