I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just googled if crying burns calories
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
