morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
