Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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