I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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