You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
