they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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