I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am mentally ready for anal.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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