I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
