Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize