Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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