i just wanna soil my oats bro
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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